A chemical conclusion

26 Jan

Chemistry between humans is a strange thing. It’s one of lifes unfathomable designs. We talk about emotions and feelings like love and hate, fear and fancy, mutual attraction, or sheer dislike of people or whaqtever else that we “feel”. But what is it about human nature that makes chemistry so open or closed? Why is it with some people that we are either introduced to, sit next to, see in the street, work with or just exchange a look or word with can either make us feel good about ourselves or make us feel uneasy or uncomfortable.
I’ve always said if the chemistry isn’t there, forget it. Basically, what that means is that if you can’t bring yourself to speak to someone in the first instance or feel comfortable in their presence, don’t make the effort to take further action. But if you do sense there is an opening to speak, the barriers are down and the person exudes warmth or pleasance that you feel comfortable with, go ahead and ignite that spark of conversation or dialogue. It may lead to new opportunities, friendships or a more rewarding experience.

For example, on holiday, I was introduced to a young British couple. We exchanged greetings but for whatever reason, I just couldn’t bring myself to talk to them afterwards. There was just a blocked chemical pathway between the three of us. Even when they stood next to me, we couldn’t communicate or make eye contact.
Yet a Russian couple who happened to be bathing on two sunbeds adjacent to mine on the beach, made eye contact, smiled and introduced themselves with ease. Within seconds, I could see they had warm, big personalities. This was evident when the husband drew attention to himself and dived off the pier. He brought humour, laughter and applause from the other holidaymakers to the proceedings. Although we didn’t speak much on the holiday, the couple came over to greet us and said hello. They even took a photo of us when they were departing from the hotel and returning to Russia!

Then, there was the woman who sat next next to me on the plane. A complete stranger and yet by the end of the flight, we were speaking easily within the confines of the plane. We didn’t see her at all during the holiday. But on the day of departure, as she was on the same plane returning home, she came up to us at the airport and we spoke as if we’d known each other for years! We exchanged similar sense of humour, experiences and telephone numbers! We aim to keep in touch.

These are just several unrelated experiences of how chemistry between individuals can either enhance or squash a relationship of any description. I believe that even one incident, word or action can change the chemistry or dynamics between people:

I worked with some one for a year and we had a relatively good, healthy working relationship. She asked me to bake a chocolate cake, which I did and took it in to her. She thanked me and placed it on the side. She didn’t offer a slice of cake to anyone, not to me, her colleagues or subordinates and at the end of the day, she took the whole thing home. To me, that speaks volumes. She may have her reasons for doing it but I felt it was a selfish and greedy act.

Years ago, a woman who appeared to be self-absorbed and insular and I wasn’t particularly too fond of at that time, was the one person who showed true compassion, full support and re-assurured me that everytihng would be ok when I was taken ill. When I recovered, I developed a new found respect for her and her selfless, thoughful and kind gestures to support me at work.

There are many people in our lives who come and go, improve or destroy it or are simply ignored. We try hard to communicate with everyone and even harder to impress. For some people we meet, conversation flows nice, gentle and easily. With others, no matter what you say or do to make it better, it fails to raise the required level of decent conversation, trust and likeability. But if the chemistry isn’t working, why bother?

The Learned Kat

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