Archive | December, 2013

GBBO Auditions

14 Dec


I’m disappointed, dejected and disheartened
I thought my time had come
I waited for that phone call
and couldn’t wait for the baking to be done
I tossed and turned all night
Read and dreamt all right
Baked a lemon drizzle
and a pale pastry pie
should’ve trusted my instincts
but the time was running high

A restful night I did not have
to Manchester I did ride
Spoke to many people
Worries with smiles did I hide
I was wowed by all the sundries
the cakes and chocolate tiers,
the breads and tartlets were amazing
I tried to hold my tears

I took a sip of water
tried to wet my parched lips
I was called to stand in the corner
for photos that weren’t hip
I smiled a cheesy grin
My bakes in front of me
I took a sideways glance
wanted to throw mine in the bin!

There were cakes of gold and chocolate hues,
strawberries and ganache
A huge domed volcano,
ready to erupt with chocolate ash
A beautiful garland of profiteroles was made
A well seasoned savoury bread, on the side was laid
Several tartlets and plaits of gold
came and went like stories untold
People standing proud like peacocks,
smiling sweetly as they went…

I waited for the screen test,
alas it was not meant to be
for in my spoken answers
I admitted I was technique free
I was called into the corner
was told my bakes were great
but my pastry and my naivety
was the downfall of me
Try again next year they said
Practice the baking of all four things:
Pies, pastries, cakes and bread
Bring the best of your high teas!

I slunked away unnoticed
A tear welled in my eyes
I dashed back to the station
looked for salvation
Thought of that damned pastry pie
wanted to throw it at a magpie
But I didn’t.
I took home my bakes
and reheated them instead
I cut away a slice or two
and ate them in gloom
Thoughts of entering the show next year
entered in my head
I sat and ate the pastry,
the filling savoury it was too
The lemon drizzle followed behind
with a hot cup of tea or two.

The Learned Kat