Tag Archives: Love

If Only I could Kiss You

7 Jan

Love Cake

If only I could kiss you

Wash away your pain

Take you in my arms

and whisper your name

Stroke your hair so gently

Press your lips against me…

 

If only…

Kiss

 

The Learned Kat

 

 

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Would I let you in?

25 Oct

Inspired by Oz

 

If you came to my door
Would I let you in?

If you came & said I’m sorry

Would I let you in?

If you lay on my bed

& allowed me to caress your chest

Would I let you in?

If you saw the night sky

& the fireworks burst by

Would I let you in?

If you stayed by my side

& held my hand

Would I let you in?

If you called my name

& cried the same

Would I let you in?

If you fed me more lies

until the day I died

Would I let you in?

If you ran naked down the street

blood running off your feet

Would I let you in?

If you gave me your heart

until death do us part

Would I let you in?

 

If you came knocking at my door

Would I let you in?

Would I?

 

The Smiling Ghost

22 Oct

Falling sculptures

 

That night you slept like a ghost

suffering deep in the shadows

falling from clear glass skies

diving into memories of the 80’s

picking up images of hope

Then leaving with nothing but a smile

If I had money…

16 Jun

006

 

If I had money in my hands then I won’t give up
If I had money in my hands then I won’t give up
If I had money
If I had money
If I had money
money
money
money

If I had love in my heart then I won’t give up
If I had love in my heart then I won’t give up
If I had you
If I had you
If I had
you
you
you

If you had a smile on your face then I won’t be sad
If I had a smile on my face then I won’t be sad
If we had love
If we had love
If we had
love
love
love

Sleep

16 Jun

035

Sleep sings to me

as the day draws to an end

dreams call to me as I weep

memories that bring joy to me shatter

as voices tread on my soul as I sleep

 

The Learned Kat

If only this was a film…

9 Jun

” A young blonde haired woman, S meets and falls in love with a dark haired young man, K. They go for walks in the country, stroll along park lanes, they wine and dine, they laugh and cry. At times, they are uncertain about their love for one another, at other times, they tell each other how truly, deeply and passionately they feel. 

To show his love and affection to S, K bakes her a cake. Just a simple little cake. She smiles affectionately and is swayed by his token of love. They hug, kiss and feed each other a piece of cake. Soon, the baking  of cakes becomes associated with commitment, a gesture of acceptance, a form of giving and whole lot of love.   Then, the wedding day approaches and the simple cake becomes an elaborate wedding cake.

They are a couple in love. They marry. They spend time together. Days turn into weeks, weeks become months. They live in a modest accommodation, a small rented flat rented in a small part of suburbia. It’s okay, just needs some work on it, they decide. Years go by, the baking stopped in the early years because work, looking after the home, socialising with others and engaging in other outdoor activities soon takeover. They purchase a house… Dinner parties come and go, Special Occasions are celebrated with others, holidays are extended…

In later life, when they are very successful, they purchase a very large house and decorate it with exquisite taste. It is full vases of flowers, fine art, modern art, mirrors, original lighting, ornate objects, antiques, collectibles from all over the world…

Illnesses take over…

The woman is dying and her husband is beside himself in turmoil, anger, pain and hurting inside. She asks him about the cakes. But darling, he says, you know I don’t have the time anymore…what with work, being busy with projects, friends visiting… She looks at him and with sadness in her voice, she says I understand. I’ll bake it for you one day, he says, just not now. That’s okay. I understand she says. Then, she closes her eyes, sighs and is gone forever.

The husband is in pieces and is lost without her. He sits, mourning the loss of the love of his life and his guiding star. He is in tears and it seems that the light has gone out of his eyes, and his anchor has drifted away…

A week later, a friend visits and finds the husband in the kitchen, baking. He looks as if he is holding his emotions in check and the friend daren’t  say anything to him except I’m sorry. The husband asks his friend to leave him in peace. The friend is ushered out, but before he is  about to leave, the husband hands him an item, a silver ornate frame that his friend always admired. Here, take this, I know you always liked it, so have it as a gift from me. But it cost you a fortune, says his friend. I know but it doesn’t matter as long as I can bake. The friend is baffled by the response but soon leaves.

The husband goes back into the kitchen and bakes cakes. Small ones, large ones, cupcakes, fairy cakes, iced cakes, and chocolate cakes. In the early hours of the morning, he breaks down and weeps and weeps, tears roll down his flour dusted face and the cloth in his hand is wrung into a noose…

Some time later, the door bell rings. It is a beggar woman at the door. She asks him if he can spare any money. He checks himself. No, I don’t have anything on me…He looks around… there is a white china vase on his console table, I don’t have anything except this. He snatches the vase and hands it to her. She looks at it with disdain. It’s worth £500 he says. Really? She looks at him as if he has gone mad. Take it, he says. I want you to have it. Sell it if you have to…what do you want? She asks him. To bake in peace he says. She gives him a blank expression, shrugs and leaves.

Soon, there are people at his home, beggars, volunteers, charity staff, strangers, neighbours, friends. Knocking on the door, ringing the doorbell, dropping leaflets, making enquiries about his generosity. He is either giving things away or selling them to people who collect items of value. The husband realises that the more valuable  items he gives away in his home, the better he feels. He feels he can spend the money on baking equipment and therefore more time baking. He bakes and gives to churches, schools, fetes, neighbours, friends, beggars, soup kitchens, the homeless, the vulnerable in the community. The more he gives, the better he feels. Word gets out and he is happy to oblige to bake for free.

There is nothing left in his home. It is empty of all his valuables, the collectibles, the antiques, the paintings, the state of the art entertainment equipment, the gloss, the sheen, the wow factor has all but disappeared and is now covered with dust.

The husband is in the kitchen, baking. He looks gaunt, frail, almost starved. His once handsome face is covered in sores, blisters, pimples, postules and red rash like hives.  There is no itch, there is no cure.

His friends and family have now deserted him. He doesn’t realise he is now alone. But he is happy.

This cake is for you, my love,  he says as he bakes his last creation. A small simple cake that he proudly takes out of the oven, sifts fine icing sugar over the top, and takes it to his late wife’s bedroom. He places it on her side of the bed. He walks around to his side, removes his apron, folds it neatly on the side and lies down. He looks at the cake. All for you, my love. A small tear forms in the corner of his eye and he closes them tight…He sighs.”

The Learned Kat

A little truth about life and relationships

28 Apr

orange gerber 1

 

When I look at the people around me, not just in my life but others that I see, I think “They’ve got it made”. There are those who are married, have successful jobs or careers and children. There are those who I look at an admire or am envious about. There are those who are hardworking and appear to get nowhere and yet there are those who appear to have “celebrity” dropped into their laps for just being who they are.

There are those who I can rely on, look to support and can talk to for hours on end without feeling guilty, having a laugh or just being me. There are those who I keep at a distance and then there are people that I like to spend time with and don’t mind seeing once in a while, every few weeks or months on end.

Then there are those who I only catch a glimpse of once in a while and I see or hear a chink in the cracks of their lives:

The neglected housewife seeking adventure and new romance, the woman who had mad, passionate love affairs in her youth but finds it difficult to find a suitable playmate or soulmate in her retirement years, the gay man who seeks cheap thrills, one night stands and more but deeply wants a monogamous relationship, the elderly and disabled woman who years to be reconciled with her grown up children and grandchildren, the promiscuous gay man who leads a double life with a “Sugar Daddy”,  the gay couple who have escaped the hedonism and drug scene of London and have retreated to the tranquillity of Torquay to repair a broken relationship, drug induced hostility and mental health issues, the  husband and wife who have remained together for 26 years with five children despite bouts of domestic violence, a husband and wife who divorced because he felt guilty when his mother passed away. There have been others who have almost been torn apart  with allegations of child abuse, or those who have converted to a religion who wish to remain faithful to their doctrine and appear to cut me out of their lives, there is one man who appears to have date after date to find his Miss Right after his original Miss Right dumped him within weeks of announcing their engagement and planning their wedding. Then there is the woman who places her addiction to gambling a priority over her domestic chores, her duties as a mother and her friendships that supported her through her times of loneliness and isolation. Another woman who needs a man in her life but when he wants a secure family unit, she rebukes him for treating her son as his own.

Then there are those who are superficial and everything in their lives appears to be “hunky dory”, glamorous and positively rosy…

And then I look at my own life and my relationship of 21 years and I think, you know what? despite all our ups and downs, trials and tribulations, foibles, flaws and his slightly fractious nature, I am grateful and safe in the knowledge that at least my relationship provides nurturing, growth and development to grow as a couple and even though we sometimes have our varying differences of opinion, hobbies and personalities, we are as One.

orange gerbers in vase

 

 

The Learned Kat