I’ve never known such a social and political upheaval in all my life.
It’s become so farcical it reminds me that these politicians are still public schoolboys at heart.
Here’s the scenario:
Part 1
David is the cock of the dorm, arrogant and proud. Boris and Nigel are his whip boys.
David taunts and bullies Boris, keeping him in check. Nigel whispers to Boris and urges him from the wings to stand up to David.
One day, after being taunted so much, Boris in the playground stands up to Dave and says “One day, I’ll be Leader!” and “I’ll show you!”
David laughs and scoffs “That’ll be the day!”
David turns to his peers, all smug and so sure of himself.
Nigel speaks up: “He might not be Leader now, but mark my words – with me by his side, he’ll achieve his goals!”
Boris looks at Nigel. He is aghast and pleased. Pleased he has an ally but frightened on the inside. “Hhhhoow? What?? ”
“Sshhh!” Shoots back Nigel in his ear. “WE know we won’t but let them believe it! We’ve gotta show them we have strength and mean business!”
“Oh! I see. I get you. Yes, I’ll play along with that!”
They call to David, who is enjoying toying with them, the admiration from his friends, the claps and slaps on the back.
“We’ll take you on!” Says Boris. “I’ll show you we mean business!”
“What you going to do, BoJo – lead the UK out of the EU!??”
The crowd laughs. Boris is uneasy. He looks at Nigel who quietly urges him on “Erm, Yes!”.
David guffaws. “Really? We’ll see about that!” The crowd laughs even more. Boris is embarrassed but with steely determination, say “Yes. Yes! I will!”
Dave and his comrades place a wager.
“If you win,” says David, “I’ll walk away and you can do what you like!”
Boris looks to Nigel. Nigel winks re-assurance. They have no idea how this will turn out. They just want to go home and play happy families.
“Okay”, gulps Boris. “You’re on!”. They spit on the palms of their hands, a small drop of saliva from Boris and a large gob of slime from Dave. Boris cringes inside but shakes hands. He winces with the feel of mucus on his palm and the tightening of Davids hand over his knuckles. It’s a veiled threat but Boris smiles benignly. Nigel begins to stir and feels it’s payback time for all those years (17 in total) he was mocked
Meanwhile, word has got out and not only the school hear of this wager, but the whole village.
Part 2
Boris’ old pals and the older people hear of the bet placed by David. They know he will win but they feel for Boris. They like Bumbling Boris with his thick thatch of blonde hair and self deprecating humour. They know he means well and doesn’t want to hurt anyone. They know he has had a very privileged lifestyle (moreso than David) but he always seemed like he’d rather be at the pub playing card games or snoozing whilst listening to an 80s band. Bless him, he tries hard and everyone loves a trier. He’s the underdog, the villagers whisper.
Let’s humour him.
So they do.
The villagers praise David as a shining example. After all, he’s been HeadBoy for 8 years, King of the Proms for the same amount. He’s the Golden Boy, loved and admired by many. Despised by the same amount.
And so the villagers are asked to support David. He’s the Winner by far. Bound to win! They all exclaim.
Meanwhile, Gove the evil villain, is plotting and scheming. He is the school bully, watching from a far and ready to pounce at the right opportunity. For all his dark, devious attributes and manipulating ways, especially when he talks he can score points very well in debates but lacks social charm and charisma. He doesn’t have many friends. That’s his downfall.
Anyway, news gets out of the village and into another. David the Giant is going against bumbling Bo Jo. The word spreads like wildfire. Some people mock, others support either party and some feel sorry for BoJo. They support him because people want David to fall off his pedestal.
The “joke” and the wager gets bigger and bigger. David is so sure of himself. He’s planned to leave the village in 4 years. He can’t wait to speak and spend millions. He’ll never beat me laughs David as his mates exchange slips. The money bags become heavier.
Bojo is scared and is overwhelmed by the positive responses. I never expected this! exclaims Boris. Just enjoy the ride says Nigel. Enjoy it while it lasts.
What if we win? Asks a nervous BoJo.
Then we’ll accept and quietly walk away says Nigel. David will have to admit defeat and walk away with egg on his face. The cock of the school will be very embarrassed, we’d win and at least we can say we tried. We’d be as proud as peacocks!
Yes, I like the sound of that, says Boris.
Nigel gives BoJo a re-assuring hug. Boris winces with embarrassment. He’s never comfortable with men holding him.
But what about the school, the villagers. Not just the locals but everyone else? Asks a thoughtful Boris as he pulls away?
Oh. Them! Says Nigel. They can go shaft themselves!
Boris concedes and together, they walk away.
NB David walks away from the winning night, dropping his crown after his deafening weak and desperate to remain calm speech, Bojo calls it a truce after realising he received sympathetic support, Nigel is majestic and struts away like a peacock and Gove, hiding in the bushes, slaps a sharp, jagged knife in the palm of his hands.
Whilst Theresa, who believes she is Superwoman, is ready and waiting at the Gates, ready to swoop in and save the school when the opportunity rises, Jeremy the scruff at the local comprehensive is determined to make himself a Leader , no matter what is said about him and little Andrea, the quiet schoolgirl who has been unnoticed for 6 years, observes and smiles inwardly to herself. “I’m ready for my close-up” she says.
The End.
thelearnedkat 