The Return of the Medallion Man

     

There is something about Russell Brand that I just don’t understand. It might be the way he ingratiates himself to the public, prancing about on stage, preening himself and always so vocal. He looks so unclean and yet so manufactured. I’m sure whilst he was at drama college he must’ve experimented with lots of different looks, voices and accents before he fell upon the one which he felt, and no doubt, his peers, would suit his stage persona. His accent sounds like a fake cockney accent ( or mockney, as they say in the media) and I can imagine his relatives when he gets to visit him saying in a plummy voice “We never taught you to speak like THAT!”

Russell is a product of what is fashionable at the moment. Fair to say he has been around for a few years now and his popularity appears to be waning. He has created a number of controversial faux pas in his time, famously marrying Katy Perry in India being one of them… But his image has been honed and stylised to such a degree it is hard to distinguish who is the Real Russell Brand. 

I mean there he was sitting quite nonchalantly on a BBC television programme the other night. At first, listening and responding as required. Then, he appeared to be getting a bit restless and agitated. But that’s neither here nor there. Whilst I was listening, I couldn’t help but thinking how he could sit on this panel, pontificating political issues with 2 MP’s, the Mayor of London and a Daily Mail columnist, with several of his top shirt buttons undone and exposing his hairy chest bejewelled with a long, dangling cross. I looked at him, and  thought it was fair play to him, he was just being himself.

Then I thought it must be the accepted face of fashion or stars of a certain calibre. I mean, look at Simon Cowell

Theo Paphitis from Dragon’s Den

and Andrew Lamberty, one of several Antiques dealer from Channel 4 show Four Rooms.

There are a number of other male  television presenters or stars who are either stylised to expose their manly chests in a certain way for the screen or choose to dress that way themselves as if to show of their proud hairy chests. The appeal being that maybe their fans would love the idea of running their hands through that lovely strong broad, puffed up chest…

Hang on! We had a similar look back in the 1970’s didn’t we!? Greasy, sometimes wavy hair, always a bald pate discreetly combed over, a thick handlebar moustache, silk, patterned (Hawaiian style?)  or plain shirt and a long chain which dropped down the chest, allowing a gold medallion of various sizes to dangle prominently over a barely exposed navel towards a very wide belt which held up flares which flared out just below the knee but were snug at the top, just tight enough to pronounce the bulge of the male anatomy. The smell of Brut or Old Spice  (or some other cheap aftershave) would often be so over powering it could knock you out…

That whole OTT look that has since been parodied and ridiculed many times. More recently by Keith Lemon…

Back in the 70’s, Medallion Man also heralded a very different kind of male presence in society. Not only was it the face of pimps, gangsters and “bad guys” in films or movies, the look was associated all things “macho” – posturing, arrogance, pride, ego…All things machismo reigned the day. The woman in his life was treated like a second class citizen and not worthy of his time unless he clicked his fingers and then she supposedly had to be at his beck and call…

I thought it was good that the  negative words associated with image of “Medallion Man” had taken a turn for the better and the whole “look ” had dropped off the fashion radar, relegated to the bins of an outdated mode of what was deemed to be a  male dominated society. It appeared that All things “masculine ” and “masculinity” began to change and the New Man was born…

But really, the Medallion Man hasn’t changed. The hair has just been coiffed, the handlebar moustache has either been removed or made to look more distinguished, the cheap aftershave has been replaced by a more highly expensive eau de toilette, the jeans or trousers are more tighter or fitted better…The Medallion Man has been repackaged and softened to be a more acceptable face to the fans. Underneath all that, from what we see and hear of these famous faces that either adopt the look or tweak it to suit their highly successful positions in the public eye, the negative attitudes of a Neanderthal Man  still seems to permeate from the pores of the new, freshly painted Medallion Man.

All hail the return of the Medallion Man!

Facebook and the Jeremy Kyle Generation

Joining the virtual community has it’s ups and downs. Choosing social networking sites has its own lovers and haters. When I first heard about the social phenomena known as Facebook, I didn’t want to know as it just didn’t interest me at all. All I ever heard was people rating it and saying how marvellous it was to talk to people online and share interests, photos, keep in touch with people and so on. There were also those who said it was a complete waste of time and would rather meet people face to face or hold a good old fashion social gathering or communicate with people on the phone. It’s better that way so you can read peoples body language, facial expressions and listen to their tone of voice. I listened to both sides of the arguments and tended to agree.

Because everyone was talking about it, good or bad, for better or worse, I decided to become a member of Facebook. That was back in August 2007. God, even just writing that date down has made me realise how long I’ve been addicted, if that word can be used to here, to the online community! It was with great trepidation that I typed in my name and created an account. After a bit of research and waiting around, waiting for something great to happen, I suppose, I added  several friends. Then, a couple of months later, I “shared” my first item, an article about new technological clocks and watches that I hoped my brother (and others) would find interesting. Then, I received my first message. Like anything unfamiliar, you allow time to get used to it. So, my only connection with Facebook was a gradual process. I had an account but I was not active  on it for months on end. It took me about two years, would you believe!? to use the account properly and really start to communicate. I really thought I was making headway! I thought I was hip, trendy and flowing with modern culture and technology. I was quite happy sharing photos, conversing with friends, commenting here and there, passing on jokes, updating my status with regular observations or thoughts.

Then, something strange happened. Facebook had gained notoriety on British TV.

  

“It was Facebook that did it!” the woman screamed. I looked up and it was a woman on the Jeremy Kyle Show. She was blaming the breakdown of her relationship with her ex-boyfriend on Facebook. “What do you mean?” asked a perturbed Jeremy Kyle. He obviously hadn’t joined the social revolution like the rest of us. The woman explained how she had found him speaking to other girls, sharing personal and private photos, making comments about her behind her back, ridiculing and poking fun of her appearance, weight, habits and behaviour. The boyfriend came out and denied all the allegations. “There’s nothing going on!” There followed a spat and it dawned on Jeremy that the manner in which the estranged couple spoke was no different to how the comments were made on Facebook. The ex-boyfriend thanked Jeremy for his understanding and said that that was exactly what he was trying to explain to his girlfriend. “But it was all written down!” she sobbed. There was some more discussion and a reconciliation of some sorts. Now, I’m not a fan of Jeremy Kyle, but when you are flicking channels, sometimes you can’t but help getting drawn in. With many of Jeremy Kyles’ participants’, we know that they are of a certain class, status and social background (I’m not a social snob by the way) But the point being that over a period of time, it was becoming evident to Jeremy and us, the viewers at home and in the audience, that Facebook appeared to be the bane of peoples lives. There were arguments, petty squabbles, bullying, stories of stalking, accusations thrown, physical brawls and other horrendous issues were making themselves present. People on the show appeared to have their family, relationships and friendships lives broken, dictated to and destroyed all because of items or comments made or misconstrued  on Facebook. They would never admit to the fact that in most cases, the majority of the issues were lying dormant or unresolved for years long before Facebook came along. A lot of the stories came about because comments, articles or items posted were misconstrued or insensitively placed  and ridiculed. Sometimes there was deliberation behind what they did, or malicious or vindictive intent. Other times, it was a mistake or a spur of the moment decision made in haste. Overall after a number of years, after a number of debates, altercations, confrontations over the use of Facebook,  Jeremy finally became exasperated by it all and said he was glad he did not bother with Facebook and preferred to talk to people face to face, to talk through any feelings or misunderstandings and was glad to have a close network of friends and a very loving family, people whom he could trust and know would support him.

I agreed with his sentiments as I was beginning to feel jaded by what people were sharing on the site. What started off as light conversation, as a way and means to keep in touch, would soon become a minefield of social etiquette. Do I “like” a comment or not? If I didn’t, did that mean the person wouldn’t speak to me again? Do I comment on what someone has written ort not? If I wrote something humorous, would that make me insensitive? And the questions that worked there way around my thoughts just wore on and on. Eventually, I just became a “skim reader” of status updates and only commented where I saw fit or felt I needed to share something of value, importance or interest. For me, Facebook wasn’t just about sharing things like a cat photo or mundane items like what you’ve had for breakfast, or going out. It was about life events, telling or informing me that my friends, people who I knew, were doing something exciting, inspiring or magnificent even. Tell me something that I don’t know. And the poems or “inspirational” pieces that have been liked and shared thousand of times irritate and annoy me. They are like the junk mail through the letterbox or the spam in the emails. The majority of items shared, we’ve all done it. It’s commonplace the world over.

Anyway. Bear with me, my rant is nearly over! Several months ago, I had joined a community page called The Bearwood Page, with the emphasis being “For people who live, work and use the many facilities in Bearwood, to share ideas for and celebrate Bearwood”. I enjoyed the community spirit and at last, I thought could join an open forum which was passionate, positive about the locality and was obliging to accept posts which celebrated creativity, diversity and ways to improve my community and help others. I read status updates, posted my own items such as poems or photos of my cakes, provided information about businesses, tried to be helpful and thoughtful in my queries and criticisms.

Then, I noted that one or two individuals would provide information or answer queries in a relatively acceptable manner. Sometimes it was useful, other times it was deemed to be “harmless banter”. I took it at face value at first because I didn’t know the people and I didn’t wish to offend, be hurtful in my comments or say something that might be misconstrued. I accepted comments for being there or just skimmed through them. Then, I noticed that if someone posted a query or had something positive to say, there was always someone who would disagree. I understood and appreciated that. But things began to change when I asked the group just to “like or dislike” things about Bearwood. It started off with good intentions, a great exercise I thought to stop the negative attitudes on the page. But it soon lost direction when people started to comment on other things. “AAAAARRRGGGHH!” I shouted at some point. “I just want a LIST! you know, like a SHOPPING LIST!!? Is that so difficult!??” but people were quick to respond and took the thread onto a completely different tangent. So, I kept calm, and moved on…

Three days ago, a random person, new to the area, posted a query on The Bearwood Page. It was just a general question about what groups could she join without it being affiliated to the local Council. She received three relatively useful comment or signposts. Leave it at that, I thought. But then, someone posted a comment and didn’t necessarily mean anything nasty by it. However, this comment was picked up and scrutinised by others; within hours, in fact over a period of two days, the thread was lost to almost 400 comments which were critical, negative, sarcastic, rude, offensive, derogatory, childish, worthless, subjective and had no bearing whatsoever to the original question. Now, the people using the page, I thought or assume, tend to be white, middle -class, educated, professional people. I would think or hoped they would conduct themselves better than that. I mean, if they were at work, would they be so open in their views or opinions? I think not. Hiding behind the façade of a latop at home provides a safe haven to say what they like.  They are probably the same people who would mock, scoff or laugh at the people on Jeremy Kyle shows or turn their noses up at what is presented on daytime TV with disdain and disgust. Like Jeremy Kyle, Moderators debated whether or not they should intervene. After all, the wife of one of the Moderators partners was being attacked on Facebook and he, in turn, would naturally want to protect and support her. The other Moderator thought it best to leave the online community forum as it is. Let them make fools of themselves, he said. Now, if responses or comment to a question or status update has no bearing on the post, why bother to comment? They used to say if you haven’t got anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. People you don’t know take liberties and there are certain things that we should be wary or mindful of…Facebook is the Jeremy Kyle Show of the social networks. Forums, Groups and Pages  start off with good intentions but soon degenerates into a farcical, sometimes cruel event without any backup, support or identity. Some issues are resolved easily, others leave a bitter taste in the mouth or leave one angry. This latest incident has made me wonder, is it all worth it? The amount of people who are taken in by the merits of Facebook, have or having experienced anguish, had their health affected, a drain on their mental well being  and physical hurt has been astounding over the years and more recently in this Bearwood Page debacle.

On some websites, like Youtube, comments can start off relating to the music video and can turn into a spiteful, vicious and personal attack on others. In some instances, comments can be disabled so as not to offend. 

They say that about 90% of communication is nonverbal. Can we keep it that way or are we as a society, social beings, losing that connection, losing the power to understand nuances, subtexts, humour, reading facial expressions, sensing something is good/bad, as we seem to rely so heavily now on social networks and online forums and discussions. We appear to becoming so insular, I am reminded of the characters on the ship in Wall-e, an animated CGI film, seated comfortably and not taking notice of the changes taking place around us. At the same time, I also think that no matter what class, social background we come from, education we receive or intellect we perceive we have,  we might not show or demonstrate it physically on television like those individuals on the Jeremy Kyle Show, but we appear to be doing that same thing  in the written word and through the use of online forums. With 1 billion users, is Facebook really a social phenomena or are we taken in by a gimmick, manipulated like those on reality TV? What do we gain by using Facebook on a regular basis?

The Power of the Written Word. Be careful how you use it!

The Learned Kat

Word press & Me: Why I’ll never be Freshly Pressed.

I started blogging because I thought I had a lot to say.  I used to write quite a bit on Facebook . not that often but when I did, my status update always used to receive a verbal response from friends and others. You have so much to say for yourself, especially the reviews about the books you read and the films you watch, why don’t you write a blog instead?  or they said you seem to have an opinion on everything, you need to channel your energies on a  book or something.

So I thought long and hard about my opinions and views that I store in my mind and vocalise with close ones or people who know me well and the idea of  sharing that personal information in a blog. It’s not like  Facebook where you can choose who you want to add as a friend. Someone mentioned WordPress amongst other free blogging websites, and I decided to do a bit of research before settling on WordPress. I chose it because the format, and style appeared to be easy to navigate. Then, with bated breath, I typed my first post. Not knowing what to expect or what to do next. Then, I just started typing and waited to see if I received any comments, responses or likes. I was pleasantly surprised and impressed when I received some comments and “likes”. I appreciated the feedback.

Then, I started to read other blogs on this website and some blogs I disregarded and others caught my interest. Then, I started to read and analyse the other blogs, the style of writing, the content, the descriptions, the feelings evoked . I started to look at the photos, how they were being used and  the impressions they left on me. I looked at the categories and tags used and how some articles or posts were “Freshly Pressed”. Posts which were or are chosen for FP tend to be witty, original, creatively  written in ways that I would never thought possible, inspirational and innovative. It made me think that maybe my style of writing is staid, linear and slightly old fashioned. I don’t think I could compete or compare myself to writing styles which appear to be more fresh, and place a different slant or perspective on life events.

I know I’ll never get freshly pressed or receive many “likes” or comments. But I have found that I do enjoy the writing processes, which I find therapeutic and  almost addictive. I find that when something happens or I have something on my mind, recording it all here makes it seem as if I am talking to a close friend or maybe even a Counsellor. I’m also picking up ideas and finding ways to be more discerning with what I write and share. I find blogging enjoyable and for now, fills a void and hopefully, with time, it will enable me to hone my skills and be able to write more freely, and concisely.

I find that I tend to write when my other half goes to bed and I can be sitting up until 2am writing. Just me and my laptop. Sometimes, I have the television switched on in the background. Other times it’s a distraction. But once it is switched off,  all I hear is the hum of the machine on my lap and the ticking of the clock on the wall. I don’t know about other bloggers, but it can take me ages to think about what to write or how to write what I’ve got to say. But then, that’s why the blogging world is full of creative, thoughtful, individuals or writers established, published or otherwise. Blogging is a platform for speakers of the 21st Century, another form of the chattering classes.

I just hope I can keep up the momentum in the long term and remain motivated to write, share and express myself as freely as I can without giving up the notion that my voice will not be heard as I realise that it’s very much part of  culture today to have a blog.  You can start a blog with good intentions but sometimes you can be either too overwhelmed with life in general or just give up on the interest as it’s deemed to be “just another piece of technological communication, alongside other forms of social media”. I intend to keep writing, either here as a blog or on a Word Document.

Hypothetically speaking, I think all bloggers hope to become published or established writers one day, don’t we? If not, why are we here? But it doesn’t matter. After all, if you’ve got something to say, say it or share it with others. You’re bound to come up smelling of roses one day, won’t you?

The Learned Kat

Emptying the ManCave

The loft in my home has become my personal space, my world, my domain. When we moved into our house, the loft was without light, boarded floors and pitch black. We agreed to convert it into my study and the only place I could keep my desktop computer, books, CD’s and DVDs and anything else that was work related.

Not only did I use the loftspace to use my computer on a regular basis, but it also became my haven to become more “messy” and personalise it as my other half has OCD and cannot bear the idea of seeing magazines, books, cds, and all other such paraphenalia on display. So, we agreed that the loft would be my area to “spread myself” without any such restraints, without limitations or making my other half feel more anxious at seeing items on display. Although, it does not stop him sometimes from re-arranging “my stuff” around as he deems it to be “too messy”!

Anyway, after living in the house for 5 and a half years, I decided to have a thorough clear out…I’ve already mentioned I started to download photos onto memory sticks on a previous post. The clean up campaign didn’t just stop there. In fact, it was just the start of my blitz. Whilst waiting for the images to be transferred, I started to sift through all my old boxes, my work related documents (hard copies) , old bills, payslips, diairies and other such items. I didn’t realise that I carried so much bumph. But alongside all that, I walked down memory lane as I read and shredded each document, copies of application forms, altered CV’s, pages and pages of cover letters with the slightest mistake, memos and Minutes of Meetings…

I was finding it hard to let go of my past. It seemed that the items in question, although they may seem boring and trivial to others, were to me,  mementoes of my life. I found particulars/details and bills fom my first house, a small two bedroom terraced house purchased in 1999.  I pulled out payslips from the days I worked at a Daycentre for people with learning disabilities/difficulties and established friendships with my peers that have lasted for 10 years now. I found minutes from meetings where the people I supervised were more than just workers, they were people with endearing flaws and personalities which created a diverse and dynamic team, which I admired and found appalling at the same time. I found rejection letters and acceptance letters, which reminded me of my struggles to find work whilst living in Devon, I found notes which made me feel angry or sad all over again as it brought back flashes or images of people who had wronged me, I picked up training notes which placed a smile on my face or thought a waste of time as I never had the opportunity to use the “skills taught” in any of my job roles. It was a strangely heartfelt experience…

But it didn’t stop there…I started to look around at my prized collection of over 400 DVDs and shelves boasting a proud collection of over 1,000 CDs. With the recession biting hard in our household, I took stock of my indecision and began to sift through my DVDs. We have bills to pay, and for the first time in my life, I have had to sell some of my items. With each DVD placed on the side, it was heartwrenching to place the barcode on the WebuyDVDs website to find that the majority of DVDs, although purchased between £5 – 15 are only worth 31p each. As my friends’ 25 year old son says, most people are streaming online now…

I remembered where I was and why I bought a certain DVD. I recalled the feeling it left inside me when I watched the film. I was looking at my favourite film, the saddest film, the happiest film, the most sentimental or weepy, romantic or action…each film brought a reaction or emotion and I was having to sell a part of me to be practical…So far, 134 DVDs, which my other half was worth several hundred pounds, have been sold  for a song.  I knew they weren’t going to fetch an awful amount of cash, I was just holding on to what they were worth to me. A collection of specific films purchased over a period of 10 years… to be disposed of within a few days.

My next step would be to download my music collection…I don’t think I’m quite ready for that yet but I know it will happen soon. On the one side, I try not to think about it, but on the other, it’s like a relief or self cleansing therapy. Will it all be worth it? I ask myself?

My loft was my space. But soon I think it’ll become an empty shell. Even the computer that I’ve had for 10 years now is showing signs of giving up… I suppose I could’ve used a garden shed or used one of the bedrooms as a study but it’s not quite the same in this house…

I feel my act of disposal is a reflection on todays society and how we lead our lives today. Is that how easily things, whether objects or items, tangible or innate, emotional/physical or practical can be disposed of? Is that how much it’s worth? Like in life, at work and in play, we are easily picked up, used and disposed of, from the “Purchaser” e.g. hirer/employer or even in relationships (partners/spouses/friends etc),  to wait for the next big or best thing…to the item or person being deselected and made to feel redundant, useless or unwanted.

My loft was MY space. But the recession has taken hold, and I feel I am losing faith…

The Learned Kat

Photography is not an Art Form anymore

The last few days have been pretty daunting for me. I’ve spent most of my time downloading photos from my mobile phones and onto my pc, only to remove them and place them onto a memory stick. Initially, I was burning them onto CDs, which seems antiquated by todays’ standards but I was intending to stockpile them for future reference. Then, I realised that the discs weren’t holding as many photos as I was expecting or hoped. Not only that, my computer kept crashing and it took many long hours in the evening into the early hours to have the photos categorised and placed into accessible albums/files or folders. I had over 1,000 photos to sift through, and memories captured over several years.

The photos were of my neighbours, the cats, family, friends, places I had visited, holidays, flora and fauna, landscapes, images of buildings in the city, birthday cakes, random shots, staged images, obscure, faded, some good,  some bad and others deleted as they didn’t portray anything in particular or hold anything of importance or interest. The thing is, with the gadgets and technology that we hold in our hands, it’s so difficult to let go and be more discerning. After all, the images, photos that we take become so personal and subjective, and less objective. I think I’ve almost lost track of what makes or constitutes a “good photo”. With something like Instagram, an app I haven’t yet used, taking photos becomes almost another commodity and part of the “fast food society”.  At one time, photography appeared to be an art form, but now, as we’ve all got that built-in camera on the gadgets we carry around with us nearly all day, every day,  it just seems like we’re all at it.

Photography  seems to have lost that unique quality or value that it once held. We seem to be taking snapshots of everything and anything. It doesn’t matter what it is, we’re snap happy. Snap! Snap! Snap!

Some people appear to take photos of large items like a car and all its body parts, some people will take photos of their dinner and place it on facebook or twitter. Others will take images of tattoos and various body parts, or their dog having a poo, a baby covered in food or whatever else they can find which they think may be humorous, of interest or exciting to others. Personally, I like to think twice about what I take a photo of and ask questions in my mind like: Is it worth taking a photo? Does it gage my interest, does it hold a significant event or memory to retain? Does it tell a story or trigger thoughts or questions in the person looking at it? Is it worth while ? Can I invest my time, effort and money into sharing these photos with others? I know I’m quite happy to take photos but I’m also quite discerning as to the subject matter. There are lots of images out there which you begin to see and say “that’s contrived, cliched or boring”. We’ve all seen that visual image that becomes the pictorial equivalent of the social network status: “I’ve just bought a cabbage/ my night is going to be windy. LOL!”

Then, there are the exceptions which are highly unusual, original, quirky and stimulate the senses or thought processes.

         

I have some photos that I’m quite happy to share online, others are just for my own personal use, many I would share with friends. A number of photos are taken, looked at once and don’t even get seen at all afterwards. They  just become stored on my mobile or pc and forgotten about! Then, I would look at them again, and think that’s a photo I remember taking and sometimes recall where, why and with whom. Others I would think why on earth did I take THAT photo!?? and delete it.  It’s good to have memories, but sometimes it’s also good to delete them.

I mean, like a good PC, laptop, mobile, tablet or album, why clog up your brain with useless images when the good, informative ones will provide more hours of enjoyment, entertainment and clearer memories. You don’t need hundreds of dud shots when one quality shot can speak volumes.

The Learned Kat

60 is sexy: A perspective on a New Generation

I was sitting with friends this evening. They are all over the age of 60. We were just chatting about holidays, costume dramas, relationships and the possibility of a night out on the tiles. In my social circle, I think I am the youngest at forty-something. In a few more years, I shall be eligible for a Saga holiday, although I don’t feel my age I said quite happily.
“Oh NO!” said my female friend, “You don’t be want to be going for THOSE holidays – they’re far too expensive and for what you get, you could be surrounded by old, OLD people!”
SAGA Holidays, I have to point out to the uninitiated, is a specialist holiday provider for people over the age of 50.

People over the age of 60 today are much more active and adventurous than what they were say, 10 -15 years ago, my other half said. I had to look at him with amusement, bemused that he had repeated exactly what I’ve been telling him for the last few years!
But I would say, that’s the truth of the matter. Men and women of a certain age are no longer happy to retire gracefully at the age of 60 with slippers, pipe, a hot kettle, hot water bottle and a television for company, with a few decent homecooked, frozen meals or door to door dinner services thrown in for good measure.

60 appears to be the new 40. A new life is beginning. As culture and times change, people you would expect to be staying indoors and settling down with a nice cup of tea, a crossword puzzle and the expectation of seeing their children/grandchildren are now looking for adventure, excitement and passion, rekindling old romances or in search of new.

Of course, there are exceptions of people in retirement.nursing, residential homes or ill, infirm or sick.

But the majority, well, those that I have met over recent years, appear to be throwing caution to the wind and making what appear to be radical changes. You just have to look at established actreses in the media spotlight to see what I mean – Judi Dench (aged 78) as boss to James Bond, Helen Mirren (67) sporting a pink haircolour at the Bafta awards last night. Then there are those who decide to have a tattoo  or three (Winifed Turner aged 92, making her the oldest woman in Britain to have a tattoo), the grandad who skydived at the age of 97, the woman who had IVF at 60…

Ok, I may have got carried away a bit there with the more mature age ranges mentioned but the principle still remains the same. Sixty-somethings are wanting more from life, and with more exploration of the world becoming easier to access with bookings over the internet, with easy to reach places and destinations which they could ill afford when younger,  like the Far East, Egypt,  Australisa or the Fjords, the New Age 60 plus generation are looking to fulfilling their days with more practical, meaningful and productive activites away from home. Learning a new skill, hobby or helping others for financial gain is another way forward. It means opening up new horizons and socialsing more with people from different walks of life. Two of my nearest and dearest have decided to offer the local community a cleaning and decorating service for a fraction  of the cost of what “professionals” would charge just to get out of the house and meet people. They are no longer afraid to stay in and watch a daily dose of repeated television programmes.   Others whom I meet, impress me with what they do with themselves. Gone is the idea of a weekly trip out to the local supermarket to do the grocery shopping or to Bingo. Instead, those who I come into contact with are seeking out the latest trends, fashion, music gigs and entertainment venues for a regular weekly buzz or their dose of excitement. Dining out and learning new recipes also appears to be de rigeur for couples and the peers or social circle.

The generation that appeared to be so “tame” about twenty years ago now appears to be so much more  invigorated, as active as their young counterparts, if not more so and seem to have discovered a new “zest for life”.  It’s almost like “keeping up with the Joneses” but instead of looking at what others have achieved, they are looking at what they themeselves can achieve. Some people over 60, like to dress and be more fancy free. I’m not talking “mutton dressed as lamb here”. I’m saying that fashion also plays a part in how a 60 year old can dress and feel. I think the “bootcut” look which was so fashionable a few years ago helped to make that image and transition easier to manage. The “bootcut” jeans worn with a decent pair of boots appealed to both men and women, young and old. It helped to “close” that generation gap and people of a certain age no longer felt restricted, constrained or old fashioned in their attire. The look was so popular, I think it helped change the face of an ageing population. It provided that boost and much needed change of image for men and women. It removed some of the stigma and staid look of 60-somethings and helped to rejuvenate a new found respect for that age group. New hairstyles, new shoes can also help boost confidence and self -esteem, especially when complimented and I think that helps people to review, take a fresh new perspective on themselves and  what they can offer the world at large.

I believe that is why the new generation of 60 plus section of the community are more inclined to take stock of their lives now and make changes like never before. It’s not a case of growing old gracefully, but managing life and what it can offer dis-gracefully. The people in my life are tired of adding to the stereotypes and doing all what is expected of them or what generations had done beforehand. They are breaking the mould. being different, unique and seeking ways to please themselves without being offensive to others or detrimental upon their own health.

The new 60 generation are making headway changes and I only hope that when I hit the ripe old age of 60, I find myself  still following the latest gadgets, technologies, fashion, music etc and make room in my diary to do as much as I can to make my life as productive,  precious and fulfilling as it ever could be.

The Learned Kat

Tracksuit bottoms & Chicken Balls!

It’s good to see that fashion has changed and we have now moved on to a “new. seasonal look”. For men, it appears to be chinos worn in different styles and various colours. Tops are co-ordinated and there is an unusual welcome return of what we used to call !the Val Doonican” sweater, a throw back to the 70’s when an old crooner used to wear multi=coloured or patterned sweaters.
It’s strange at my age to see clothes items coming into stores and worn by young men in 2013. I’d seen them the first time around in the 70’s. There must be something in that adage of “fashion comes in a 20 year cycle”.

Anyway, the point I am trying to make is this: there are still some young men out there who insist on wearing tracksuit bottoms, sweatshirts and tops. There is nothing wrong in that. If it makes them feel comfortable and provides ease of movement and practicality in their everyday routines, then fair enough. I’ve never been one for trackies and sweatshirts myself. I’ve just never felt comfortable wearing them. I am not a prude or fashion snob although I do appreciate someone who dresses well. How one perceives someone who “dresses well” is a very personal matter of taste, flair, fashion, cultural and social background…

No, what I want to say is there are some lads who insist on wearing “trackie bottoms”, but why do they persist in putting their hands down the front of their pants? You know what I mean. When their hands are idle, they shove them down the front of their pants. I asked the 17 year old son of one of my friends, why he did that and he replied it was to keep his hands warm! These tracksuit bottoms have pockets I said, that’s where you can place your hands. No, he said, it’s warmer at the front!

I think it’s uncouth and makes me and others feel uncomfortable. This “so-called practice” amongst young boys and men maybe a form of social rebellion. But I am reminded of several things:

When we used to do that at school, as children or young teengers, our parents, adults, teachers and others, used to say “Stop doing that! or ” Now go and wash your hands!” as if it was unclean, unhygienic, rude and unacceptable social behaviour, especially amongst guests and in public. If we were to do that in our years of puberty, or teen years, it was a sure sign that sexual habits were occurring. We were not puritent in our attitudes but there may have been an old fashioned Victorian attitude in saying these things.

Then, there are the dress codes. Over the centuries, what constituted acceptable dress code and behaviour differed, from being constrained in certain types of costume or attire in the early part of the 20th Century to the days of liberal freedom, hippies and “flower power”, however fashion dictated, the male of the species did not push their hands into the front of their pants or the confines of their trackies to fondle their groin areas as it appeared to be deemed “obscene”.

Lastly, I will mention an incident that may put you off your tea:
Whilst on a night out about 10 years ago, my friends and I decided to visit an open buffet Chinese restaurant in Chinatown, Birmingham. As we apprached the door, we noticed a young adult male, aged between 15 and 19, who was wearing a grey tracksuit. He had his hands down the front of his pants “to keep his hands warm!”, I suppose. Idle hands need to be kept occupied is another way of putting it…But he was clearly “adjusting” himself in many ways. He appeared to be a tad nervous, anxious and twitchy. His eyes shifted left and right, up and down the street. I have to say he was quite a good looking young man but there was something about him that indicated he was a somewhat” disaffected youth”. His demeanour, body language, his apprehensions and overall disposition was suspicious. As we approached the restaurant doors, the lad sauntered in before us, grabbed a handful of chicken balls off the open display food counter and dashed out, biting on one of the balls as he ran off. I wanted to call out to him “Now go and wash your hands!” but human rights, freedoms and liberalisation of the society in which we live in today prevented me from doing so, although I did report his actions to the staff who were present at the time. Needless to say, we all avoided eating the chicken balls and observed other customers in case they had found a pubic hair!

There are parents or people out there who may say we can’t tell them what to do with their hands! I agree. But you can certainly enocurage them in other ways to keep their hands warm or occupied – wear gloves, keep hands at the side or in the trouser/trackie bottoms pocket or if they insist, simply tell them to go and wash their hands afterwards.

 

 

The Learned Kat

Leave out the camp and bring home the changes

What is it about Television and their obsession with a certain type of gay people/person?

In the early years of television, being gay or just to portray a gay character was taboo. In 1961, Dirk Bogarde starred in a film called ‘Victim’, which was the first English language film that used the word ‘homosexual’. At the time, it caused a great deal of controversy.

Then, in the 1970’s, British audiences tittered and laughed at the antics of John Inman as flambouyant and camp character Mr Humphries in comedy series ‘Are you being served?’ with his innuendos and catchphrase “I’m free!”

At the same time, Larry Grayson was entertaining his audiences with his tongue in cheek humour and his catchphrase “Shut that door!”

Openly gay men were few and far between on television. And if there were gay men present, we hardly knew…

Fast forward about 20 years and we have Graham Norton. Alan Carr, Gok Wan, Brian Dowling, Julian Clary, Simon Amstell, Antony Cotton and other not so famous tv personalities. What do they have in common? They all claim to play down their sexual orientation on television, but their on screen personas are very similar to what we saw many moons ago albeit in a slightly different manner.

 

Simon Cowell, he of the sharp tongue, pop svengali and mega rich tv personality, was criticised by a very popular gay magazine. In an article , it was suggested that although his tv shows  such as Pop Idol, X Factor and the Idol series had many gay followers since their inception and increasing over the years, there appeared to be a distinct lack of openly gay singers auditioning or successfully moving into the final stages. The same magazine said it appeared to be a form of discrimination and mentioned Elton John, Freddie Mercury and George Michael as prime examples of openly gay, succesful artists. It went onto suggest Simon open his doors and embrace the very people that seemed to make the show so popular.

 

I don’t know if Simon and his team read that article, but since then, there appears to be a number of young gay men, drag acts and artists auditioning on his show. Most notably and recently, Rylan Clarke, who really annoys and irritates me for his outrageous, flambouyant behaviour and diva like antics even before he has established himself as a bona fide tv personality or ‘star’. Some heterosexual women say they like him as he is “so funny, unique and individual”. But I say, go down to Hurst Street, Birmingham or Canal Street Manchester and you’ll see thousands all behaving and looking the same.

Back in the 70’s and 80’s, some men who identified as gay would attempt to grow or support various forms of handlebar moustaches, beards or goatees, checked shirts and tight jeans as a cultural outfit or an homage to the very”straight”, butch and masculine cowboys. These were identified in the gay community as “Clones”. With cultural changes, social pressure and legislation, that particular image has changed and we have replaced the qualities associated with a “somewhat closeted or straight acting gay man”, who appeared quite discreet and transformed it into a well plucked, groomed, fey, effeminate, camp or “theatrical” , larger-than-life personalities, most notable for their slight or slim builds, feminine hairstyles and crossing their arms across the chest and mincing down the High Street.

This is good for someone who wants to embrace and understand gay culture, make it more open and acceptable to be part of the lgbt community. But on national television, being “camp and gay” seems to perpetuate a myth in the real world. When people find out or I tell them that I am gay, they either accept me or say “You’re not like so and so off the telly, are you?” as if it’s a revelation. Or they might say “We know about gay men because we see Julian/ Rylan/ or insert name of whichever gay person you see on the box or popular gay celebrity at the time” .

      

We’re not all the same. Some of us have pretty “normal” lives. We put the bins out, feed the cats, pay the bills or mortgage, have highs and lows, arguments and good times, and can be quite quiet and private individuals. We can be sensitive, compassionate and hold decent, articulate  and intelligent conversations without innuendo and deal with life events or experiences without breaking out into a song and dance/over reacting.

What was a slight on gay men, “You’re one of those!?” with certain individuals facing  conflict, backlash, bullying, dilemmas and the feeling of being ostracised and disowned to a more acceptable ” You’re gay!? Wow! You can be my best friend and treat me  because I feel safe in your company”. I know it’s a generalisation but that is what I have personally heard, glean from others when they are expressing views about their own social circles and how they accept or treat gay men.

It all sounds as if being gay today has become fashionable and another commodity for the “heterosexual’ community to hold onto. Like celebrities having babies, poodles or dogs, having a new Gay Best Friend and being gay is very much “on trend” in some circles. That’s fine by me. I accept it. But don’t make the gay people/characters on tv yet another stereotype. “Gayness” and being gay  comes in all different shapes, sizes and all manner of personalities. It would be more beneficial to the nation if television people could choose, select or present other types of people from the lgbt community and other aspects of gay culture.  Just don’t feed the nation too much of the “camp”. Thank you!

The Learned Kat

British MP’s & the sanctity of gay marriage

Last Sunday, I bumped into an acquaintance on the High Street. We exchanged pleasantries and then we discussed the progress of the gay support group he attends on a monthly basis. This led onto our opinions on the forthcoming gay marriage vote.
As the gent in question is a mature, private person and of the “Old School” with regards to gay culture – he grew up at the time when being gay was closeted and very taboo –  he said, “I think we’re onto a loser here. The Tories are very forceful on this issue”. I disagreed. I said times are changing, cultural waves are taking place and people appear to be more accepting of gay people. However, I reminded him of this: The first gay couple in the UK to “tie the knot” as it were in 2006 “dissolved their relationship” about 6 months later. I know it happens in “straight” relationships too. But damn! If you’re going to make a historical, political or social statement for life, try to keep to it please! We agreed to differ on our viewpoints and ended the conversation with a prophetic “We shall see”.

Yesterday, two very significant events occured. One, most importantly to me, was the third anniversary of my mothers death. The Second event, was the historical and landmark vote of the gay marriage bill within the UK. 400 MPs voted in favour, 175 voted against. Apparently, comments, views and opinions have been divided up and down the country on this issue. One Conservative member from Surrey said “people are more angry about this issue than Europe and Conservative membership has reduced greatly from approximately 3,000 signed and paid up members down to 175″.

Over the last 48 hours, I have watched this symbolic ruling unfurl, analysed and scrutinised by the news channels, programmes, political commentators, social campaigners, supporters, anti-gay marriage lobby and the public in general.

Why has it been such a Hot Topic of debate?

I have been bemused, baffled, angry and at times, indifferent to what I have heard.

Public opinion has been divided and even within the gay community, there are those who support the marriage bill and those who are against it.

As a gay man myself, personally I don’t believe that two men should get married in a church, mosque or other religious place of worship.  However, that doesn’t stop me from supporting or respecting my gay comrades in arms if that is what they wish or want to do.

I agree with one comment that a gay man, who was intending to marry his long term partner, said last night on the news:  “There are pleanty of heterosexual couples who are not religious but can get married in a church. Yet there are plenty of gay people who are very religious and are denied this opportunity”.

But there was also another comment made by a gay man who was against the idea of gay marriage who asked “Why get married when we already have a civil partnership in place – it’s just another level of bureaucracy!”

I understand and respect both views. But is the push for gay marriage really for love or for money? I knew a gay couple in Devon who had a Civil Ceremony. I asked if they were going to announce their love for one another in front of their family and friends. One looked aghast and said “We don’t do that! We’re men! We can’t announce the love that dare not speak its name in front of my mum!” So why are you doing it then?  I enquired. “Well, so we could have equal rights like a man and wife, financially, with the pension and all that…

” So, what about Love?” I asked.

“What about it!?” they said in unison.

I just didn’t get it. I’d  been with my long term partner for about 15 years at that point and I said we’re a partnership, we share everything. We don’t need a paper to say we have Rights or declare our love. People can see it and if they ask, we tell them. Just being together is enough for us. We lead our own private lives, we don’t see heterosexual couples declaring their sexual orientation and we are secure in who we are. Life is changing, we are changing and growing older. Most peoples attitudes are changing. There are those who are in a minority who do not, cannot or will not change their mindset for whatever reason. That is there issue. Not ours. I’m not here to change the world. I’m here to live it. Leave me in my world and I will respect you. You just have to learn to accept it as I acccept yours.

And yet I know another gay couple who appear to be madly, deeply in love and want the world to see or know it via Facebook and can’t wait to show it by getting married later this year. That is their choice and I respect it.

A side issue: I think that the only instituition not moving with the times is The Church. They are still entrenched in archaic sysytems and shrouded in religious fervour. Objections to female Bishops, gay marriages and accusations/allegations of paedophilia/child abuse scandals have been denied. If this were any other organisation, they would be sued and possibly hauled to the Human Rights Courts for breaking all the Equality Laws, legislations and Discrimination Acts. Yet, MPs remain in benevolence towards these religious / faith groups.

What do you think?

 

The Learned Kat

Baby Brows!

Yesterday, I happened to walk through Debenhams store and saw a young girl, aged between 8 and 10, sitting in a reclining chair with her head tilted back and her mother standing next to her, looking on with affection, pride and silent pleasure. Nothing unusual in that, you might say. But what struck me is that there was a young woman leaning over the young girl, with a long piece of thread in her mouth and held between her fingers. The little girl was having her brows threaded!!

I might be old fashioned, but as much as I love children, I feel that when children ask for certain types of beauty treatments at such a young age, it saddens me and makes me think what do the parents gain from allowing their children to endure such “pampering”?

It’s like the other day, I read an article about a young mother who enters her 18 month old baby girl into beauty pageants. The mother denied being a “pushy parent” and said her child “wants to do it, loves all the attention and enjoys every minute of it.” How did the child know at the age of 6 months, that she wanted to enter a beauty pageant? How does she know that she is entered into a competition for prizes? I should imagine for the young girl it’s a bit of fun, playtime and naturally with children who tend to have a very inquisitve nature, she would like the attention, sparkle and flashing lights of the cameras or stage. She has received numerous awards and her mother intends to keep the little girl “grounded”. It’s not the girls’ fault. It’s not really her mothers fault. What parent wouldn’t want their child being described or voted as a beautiful baby? But at the same time, it’s like saying that a child who enters beauty competitions is special and gifted and those children who don’t are ugly. Why have beauty pageants for little children?

I blame the event organisers, or those who create such schemes. To me, it’s just another money making hare brained business project that feeds of vulnerable or starry eyed parents who are living their failed dreams through the lives of their off spring. They must think “What I don’t have or couldn’t have, I’ll make sure my son/daughter has it!” And there are some (unscrupulous?) people out there who can quite happily feed off those thoughts and bag themselves a new type of consumer. A very lucrative business, which over the years, appears to be getting worse and worse. There is a campaign in the UK called “Stop the Sexualisation of Children”. It’s aim is to stop such pageants and products for sale that make a child look older than what they are, sexually provocative music or billboard advertising. I support elements of this campaign, which came about after the findings of a report by the Mother’s Union. It saddens me to think we have to have a campaign to stop manipulating the consumer and we don’t seem to allow children to be children anymore.

But I think it goes deeper than that. It’s a whole generation of young people who are not encouraged to play outside, have a make-believe world, have stories read out to them or use their creativity or imagination. Children appear to be postively encouraged by the “We never had it as a child” parent mentality and are losing out on the value of what is really true and meaningful in life, the wonderment and awe, the magical and mystical, the escapism, the comfort and joy, the whole interaction of being loved and cared for, the inquistive nature to search and find out, the little giggles and tears, the growing pains and so forth. An example of childhood lost is when I see the majority of parents around me today who give a young toddler a mobile phone to play with and fries for lunch, dinner and snacks. They also seem to either talk over them, shout at them or involve them in adult conversations. Like celebrity or gossip magazines, children want to know the sordid details. They want the latest designer fashions, they want more technology, they want fast food, they want beauty treatments like mum, they want to emulate mum, they want to be like dad, they want to follow dads football team.

Children want, want, want…

I recall a brief exchange with my then 10 year old niece and her 4 male siblings younger than her when they were at home on a lovey, hot sunny day. It went something like this:

“What can we do?” she said.
“I suggest you play outside”
“It’s boring outside!”
I flashed back to my childhood. “Go and play tig, hide and seek, hopscotch?”
“What are they?”
“Games” I said.
“Games? I’ve got the computer to play games!”
“Well, go and create a play or write a story”
“How do I do that?”
“Use your imagination!”
“Whats that!?” They all chorused and ran upstairs to play on the computer. “Are we having fries for dinner mum?” One of the lads called down.
“Yes” exasperated mum replied.
They all cheered.

But sometimes, as adults, we have to learn to say “Stop wanting because I can only give to you what you need. That way, you can appreciate what I have to offer more and you can learn more about life and materialistic things, the value of money etc in your own good time. But just for now, enjoy your childhood and all that it offers because at this rate, you’ll lose your childhood memories forever so learn just to be and be who you are!”

The Learned Kat